When I wrote the first version of my Stupidity Series, Oba Akinjobi was fantasizing about various ways to teach Ibo people swimming lessons, Patience Jonathan was still giving YouTube admins killer ideas and as usual, the nation was swallowing huge lumps of political eba. Fast forward three months and what do you have now? Governors are crying blue murder about empty treasuries whose contents were used to politick them into power. The National Assembly has retained its beloved Grab-Da-Mace tournament. The Naira has forgotten how to use a parachute. The orphan Boko Haram has now been adopted (ISIS). The list is endless! But I have to say, I am a bit disappointed that our nation still remains stupid. Not stupid that we bought the idea that changing political parties would engineer a total revamp of the nation’s fortunes, no, not that. My biggest disappointment lies in the fact that Nigerians are yet to drop their ethnic and tribalistic stupidity.
My editor once told me that rage articles are a bit unnecessary but let’s face it, sometimes you need to be frank, even if it means calling people stupid.
If you’re a staunch follower of politics, you’d understand that every election is an opportunity for PR strategists to make their wet dreams come alive. Goodluck Jonathan’s crew came up with the popular slogan ‘I had no shoes’ and everyone knows how that baby stuck. Their only regret however is that the Niger Delta man didn’t bag a Nike sponsorship for his barefoot rigmarole. Moving on. With the fortunate crash-land of the Jonathan empire, the stage was set for a bigger, better and more convincing call-to-action, which the All Progressives Congress had in their locker. CHANGE. What better word? Such magnificence, such influence and Nigerians chewed it all up. The APC’s call for change (even though they were fielding a candidate who had run on 4 different occasions and was so old, some say he was a waiter at the Last Supper), was met with great acceptance as people slowly began to realize that we’ve spent 16 years under one party and we still can’t have 16 hours of steady power supply. So Nigerians chewed it all up! We loved the flavor and we clamored for more! In the end, we did get what we wanted, but we failed to notice the mass decamping that preceded the entrance of President Muhammadu Buhari. So much for change!
I am not here to talk about President Muhammadu Buhari or the fact that his choice of people lately have been zoned to the North. I am not here to talk about the fact that Northerners now occupy the post of the Attorney General of The Federation, The Accountant General of The Federation, INEC Chairman and the Director General of The Department of Security Services. To be frank, I don’t care if they were all Namibians, if they can work, then let them stay there. I am here to talk about the malignant and never say die attitude of Nigerians once it comes to tribalism.
Majek Fashek once sang, ‘I woke up to see Nigeria on fire’. But considering the fact that the former Reggae lord is now Majek Fa-shekpe, I don’t really expect the lyric to hit home. But in all essence of the word, Nigeria is on fire, we’re just too asleep to realize it.
A few days ago, Nigerians suddenly became aware that a rogue broadcast station named Radio Biafra did exist. The station, which has been running for a few years now without being noticed, suddenly snatched headlines as it was likened to the Libre des Mille Collines, a station that promoted genocide in Rwanda. Granted, Radio Biafra does not classify people as cockroaches, but how do you justify promoting a model that sparked a civil war years ago? As a journalist, I will be frank and not mince words, Radio Biafra is rogue. But let’s face it there is something bigger going on here.
From the moment my Uncle Nwandu hit a mallam in Umuahia for giving him bad Naira notes, I knew that Nigeria was still dancing in the disco of tribal hate. The 2015 elections showed it all! President Muhammadu Buhari was shunned in the East, not for his dreadful past, but for his Fulani tag. The nation is riddled with tribal potholes that made us foolishly run to war a mere 7 years after we gained Independence. The problem here is not Radio Biafra. The problem here is that there is a tribal cold war currently plaguing the nation, from the highest echelons of power to the men on the streets. I have a few questions to ask. Was Radio Biafra set up a week ago? NO! The station as rogue as it is was active during the time of President Musa Yar’Adua. It ran for 6 months before taking a leave, returning in the year 2012. Quite frankly, the radio spews a lot of trash. I listen in a lot of times. They’re spreading hate and prejudice but considering the fact that nobody has cared about their trash for 7 years, then why the sudden uproar? Is this the change that we voted for?
President Muhammadu Buhari was my ideal choice over Goodluck Jonathan and this was for only one reason, his personal traits. Asides that, I don’t think I would have ever voted for him. An old saying goes, show me your friends…..and that is exactly what is happening now. President Buhari’s moves lately have become scary. A good percentage of people he has replaced (because SACK is too mainstream) over the month are from the East. Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu has become a stranger in his own house. The emergence of Senator Saraki and Dogara is also questionable since the missing lawmakers were busy waiting for the President to show up in a meeting he’d called for. So the question we’re all afraid to ask is, what is really going on here? Is there a Northern agenda? Is this the change we’ve all been clamoring for? Have we been robbed again? President Muhammadu Buhari must not make the grave mistake of scaring people into thinking that he’s on a northern mission because Nigerians are very tribalistic. Sacking Igbo people will cause an uproar. The NBC going after a harmless radio station will cause a bigger uproar because we all know that if it were a Yoruba radio station, nobody will lift a finger. Be frank with yourselves.
Another thing that disturbs me is the fact that the opposition party are just a bunch of dumbasses. Not once! Check it, not once have they said anything about the people. All they rant about is ‘We will reclaim this, we will defeat that, we will do this, we will do that’, FREAKING DUMBASSES! They should be acting as a cushion for us to fall back on incase there’s a need to kick Buhari out in 2019 but instead they are just running aloof with personal and selfish agendas. It disturbs me also that the APC, our supposed change agents, have joined in. Take the case of Rivers State. Since the emergence of Nyesom Wike as Governor, he has not had a moment of peace because the APC have found various ways to undermine him. Instead of leaving things in the election tribunal, they have leveled accusations, thrown threats and spread negative propaganda. Is this change? Governor Wike has also forgotten about his duties and has decided to exchange blows with his predecessor, Rotimi Amaechi by going after his aides and sacking all LGA council chairmen. Same is the case in Ekiti State with Governor Ayodele Fayose fighting tooth and nail to dodge another impeachment scheme created by our so called CHANGE party. How did we all think that CHANGE could be achieved when months before the elections, we witnessed political figureheads decamp enmasse to the APC from where? The PDP! So how do you expect change when our supposed change agents are ex-PDP. Like I said, I am here to talk about tribalism, not the political choices of Nigerians.
I blame Goodluck Jonathan for the mess Nigeria is about to get into. Why, you might ask. Goodluck Jonathan was loved by all. He had the chance to finally unite the nation by showing that the Igbos were capable of achieving feats that didn't include bragging. And what did he do? He let loose the hounds of impunity and was very unfair. The people of Benue State throughout the time of his reign were constantly being killed by Fulani herdsmen who attacked at free will, even till now. President Goodluck did nothing about that. Instead he opened Almajiri schools for people who spend most of their time running from the Boko Haram. When you make a political and ethnic mistake like that in Nigeria, there is no coming back from it. When you leave the nation in shambles to the point that it begins to celebrate a former villain then you have failed woefully. When you allow your camp to utilize tribal sentiments to swing votes (as seen in the presidential campaigns of the PDP) then you have failed woefully.
The current state of the nation is really something to worry about. We might say, oh well he’s only been there a month but the truth remains that a day is enough to know where we’re heading. I am worried that President Muhammadu Buhari is being swayed by forces he cannot weather. I remember he promised not to probe Goodluck Jonathan’s administration but what inspired his U-turn? Are we about to dive into another useless probe that will consume time and resources that are not available? When the hell will the ministerial list come out? When will the so called flushing of the system stop? Most importantly, when will needless wild goose chases like the case of Radio Biafra end? These are key questions that are yet to be answered.
I end this piece by giving a word of advice to Buhari. Do not carve worry lines on the faces of an already tribalistic people. Militancy in the Niger Delta was said to have emerged to undermine Musa Yar’Adua’s administration. Boko Haram was said to have emerged to undermine Goodluck Jonathan as a reprisal for militancy. Do not scare the Igbos. Do not scare Nigerians. They will find something bigger to undermine you with the moment you tilt to one side of the nation. We want change and so far what we are seeing has shown that the APC just sold us propaganda. The change we need, the real change that Nigeria needs is unity. Unfortunately that can only happen if aliens invade our nation and we are forced to join forces to save the world. There goes my wild imagination again!
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